Also see introduction: Sex: Yes or no? 

Q: My boyfriend/girlfriend is pressuring me to go further with our physical relationship than I want to. How do I say no?

A: There are many ways to say no:

Plan activities to do when you’re with your boyfriend/girlfriend, so you don’t start physical activity you hadn’t planned on.

Develop the art of conversation; talk together Wear modest clothes that advertise you, not your sexiness.

Say “No thanks. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t ask.”

Say “I have decided not to have premarital sex — so please don’t pressure me.” If they say, “Everyone is doing it”, you can say, “I’m not everyone”.

The best way to say no is to be honest and straightforward. If you are worried that saying no to sex will cause you to loose your boyfriend / girlfriend then maybe that’s a sign that the relationship isn’t based on true love. Remember, if you don’t stand for something... you’ll fall for anything.

Q: What are some things I need to avoid to help me remain sexually pure?

Avoid Alcohol
Avoid Drugs
Avoid Exhaustion
Avoid Isolation
Avoid dating someone with different morals and standards than you have
Avoid activities or situations that are sensually stimulating

Spend some time reflecting; you know yourself better than anyone else. You know what triggers sexual arousal for you. Be honest with yourself and avoid anything or any circumstance that triggers sexual arousal.

Q: How far is too far? Where should I set the boundary if I want to stay sexually pure until marriage?

A: Each individual needs to consider the answer to this question before he/she is involved in a relationship with someone. Boundaries for physical expression need to be well thought out, clearly articulated, and established long before they are even needed.

Good decisions about how far is too far are not made in the “heat of the moment.” Here are some examples of different levels of intimacy:

1. Looking at a guy/girl and making eye contact
2. Talking with a guy/girl
3. Holding hands
4. Hands on shoulders and hands on waist
5. Kissing on the cheek or softly kissing on the lips
6. Open-mouthed, passionate kissing, French kissing
7. Heavy petting
8. Sexual intercourse

Set your boundary. Be truthful with yourself, avoiding any activity that would lead you to go further than the boundary you have set.

Q: So what’s wrong with having sex in the context of a committed relationship?

A: What defines a committed relationship? Here’s how you know you have a commitment: When you’re married, you have one, and when you’re not married, you don’t. Before the marriage ceremony everything is reversible — your thoughts and your feelings. Even your intentions to marry someone may change.

As a matter of fact, many people who have sex outside of marriage often don’t wind up marrying each other — not even when the thought of getting married was their reason for having sex. Be honest with yourself about what makes a “committed relationship”.

Q: Do condoms prevent STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases)?

A: An STD is a virus, bacteria or other small organisms that can be acquired through sexual contact with someone who has the disease. Some have cures, but some do not. Some are relatively harmless if treated, but others are deadly.

Condoms reduce the risk but do NOT eliminate the risks of acquiring a sexually transmitted disease or infection. Here’s a chart showing how effective condoms are in preventing some STDs:

Remember, condoms don’t make sex safe; only abstinence works every time.

Source: “Scientific Evidence on Condom Effectiveness for Transmitted Disease Prevention” US Dept of Health and Human Services, Center for Disease and Prevention

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Article reprinted with permission from Heritage House 76, Inc.