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Kate: So Many Fears

I was 20 years old, working as a nanny, when I found out I was pregnant. My parents brought me up in a Christian home, so the shame and embarrassment I felt was overwhelming. I had so many fears: I was afraid of what people would think of me; afraid of the looks I’d get at church; afraid of my friends seeing me fat; and of course, afraid of the inevitable pain of labor I would have to experience. I became increasingly terrified of the stranger who happened to be my baby’s father.

The first four months were awful. I threw up everyday. My body hurt. I was stressed out, weepy and terrified. I was being pressed for decisions that I wasn’t ready to make. I was an emotional mess when I showed up at the Pregnancy Counseling and Information Center (PCIC) for my first appointment. However, I came away from that first meeting feeling relieved and a little more at peace with my circumstances.

At PCIC I was able to unload all of my garbage right off. Then we sifted through my fears until I was able to recognize which ones were legitimate and which ones were not.

Eventually, with help, I realized that no matter how badly I wanted “Mr. Sperm Donor” to jump off a bridge, God was going to do whatever was best for the baby. If that meant having the father in our lives, then I had to learn to live with that. I had to learn to trust in God whole-heartedly and let Him lead the way.

I took a parenting class through PCIC. It really helped to make the baby more real. I started to get excited about my baby. The class gave me direction, as I started to think more about how I wanted to raise my child and a little less about all the other stuff that was getting me down.

I realize I have been very blessed. I am one of the lucky ones. I’ve always had the support of my family, my church and my true friends. PCIC was a tremendous help to me. They helped me build the foundation I needed to make my transition into motherhood.

My son is almost six years old now. I married the “right” guy. From the very first date, Joshua accepted my son as his own and he is my son’s daddy. We have two other incredible kids and have a great life! Everything I prayed so desperately for, has come to pass, down to the tiniest detail.

We attended my son’s biological father’s wedding just last summer. He married a super great girl. They have two other children as well. The kid’s aren’t quite sure how we are all connected, because we just tell them we’re all family. Only God could have turned two immature kids, who hated each other, into two loving families who actually care for one another.

As Corrie Ten Boom once said, “Never be afraid to trust an un-known future to an all-knowing God.”

Names have been changed to maintain client confidentiality.

Do you have a story you’d like to share regarding your experience with The Pregnancy Counseling and Information Center (Newberg, Oregon) ? Please tell us.