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When you are in a relationship and it becomes
sexual, you may find yourself spending less time getting to
know each other emotionally and more time being sexually active.
At some point, you might wonder if that’s all there is
to the relationship.
When you decide to take sex out of a relationship,
or start a new relationship where you commit to being sexually
pure, you need a game plan. It’s like playing a video
game. After a while you know the traps and the dangers and
you take action to avoid them before you get blasted. Same
thing here. You need to know the dangers and the traps that
lead to sexual activity before you get involved so that you
can avoid them.
Want some fun? Before you go out, bring up the
fact that you are not at all interested in getting involved
sexually. Your date’s reaction to such a radical statement
is a great way to know if you are in trouble before even stepping
out the door. The more pressure you feel to do what you don’t
want to do, the faster you should say, “I’m out
of here!”
Here are some practical ways to help keep your
relationship sexually pure:
Choose friends with the same values.
You have probably heard of peer pressure. You know, when everyone
is sitting around talking about how cool something is. You
don’t agree, but you sure aren’t going to say so!
After a while you start saying to yourself, “well, maybe
it’s not so bad...” That’s why it’s important
to choose friends who share your values. Then you will hear
things from friends that reinforce your commitment, not wear
it down. The same goes for people you date. If you know someone
is a player or partier, don’t go out with him or her.
You are only setting yourself up!
“Where do you want to go?” “I
dunno, where do you want to go?” “I dunno, let’s
just hang out and see what happens.” This is not a good
way to start. When you have plans, you can avoid placing yourself
in situations where things just happen — like sex. You
can plan fun dates that will make great memories and will
keep you true to your commitment.
Don’t leave dead time. If you are
going out for an evening, have the whole evening planned.
Don’t leave blocks of time where you have nothing to
do, especially when you are alone at home or in a car.
Go out in groups. Think about the times
when you had the most fun. They were probably with a group
of friends. Going out in groups insures that you will stay
out of tempting situations.
The worst place to hang out is at home alone.
You can have the best intentions but you also know how quickly
things can go too far. If you stick to public places, this
won’t be a problem.
Watch what you watch. Avoid movies with
sexual themes or content that can get you excited and geared
up for more (guys in particular are stimulated by visual images).
Don’t worry, you could live to be 90 before you see all
the great non-sexy movies out there!
Set physical limits. That’s right.
Set your limits ahead of time. Think about exactly how far
is too far for you. Say no to anything that is intended to
sexually excite your partner. Define what healthy affection
is and tell your partner what YOUR definition is. Want some
hints? Hand holding, hugging and kissing (that doesn’t
mean making out) are usually OK. But basically anything below
the neck is off limits if you are serious about creating a
pure, long lasting relationship.
Want some great ideas for what to do on your
next date? Check out this list of fun
things to do instead of sex.
Article reprinted with permission from Heritage House 76, Inc.
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