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Everywhere you look sex is being hyped. You
know ... in the movies two people meet and before they even
know each other’s last names they’re having sex.
You listen to popular music and hear lyrics about sex, sex,
sex and how great it is. So what’s wrong with you? You’re
having sex, but you feel:
...Used
...Confused
...Rejected
...Guilty
...Angry
...Lonely
...Scared
...Sad
Guess what? Nothing is wrong with you. In fact,
you are like most girls your age. If they were really honest
like you’re being now, they would say the same thing.
If you want to understand why you feel like you do, take this
quiz:
First close your eyes and think of a guy who
is really hot — someone you would really like to go out
with. Now imagine yourself with him in a totally romantic
situation. Check which one of the following was on your mind.
1. I thought about holding hands, dancing,
walking in the moonlight, talking — something where
we were connecting emotionally.
2. I thought about having sex with him.
If you checked number 1, you’re like most
other girls. Sex is not what you want. What you want is emotional
intimacy. You want a relationship, and that’s good! Most
girls want guys to care about them. They want a relationship
that includes emotional intimacy and physical affection (not
intercourse). They long for someone to share their feelings
with, someone who cares, someone who loves them for who they
are and who accepts them unconditionally.
Most guys just want sex. That is how they are
made. They have a very strong sex drive in their teens —
they think about it a lot. But they don’t have to have
sex just because they want it. If they are after sex they
will probably put pressure on you to get it.
You want a relationship. You meet a great guy
and start dreaming about holding hands, dancing, flowers and
notes, you know ... all the relationship stuff. The guy wants
sex. He offers you the relationship only if you will give
him sex. You know the line, “If you love me, prove it
by having sex with me.” Wanting the relationship, you
give in to the sex. So you both should live happily ever after,
right? After all, both of you got what you wanted!
Yeah right! That only happens in the movies!
Once you are sexually active, instead of the relationship
getting better, it manytimes seems to fall apart. You don’t
talk quite as much. Every time you are alone together things
go from zero to sex. Then, the inevitable happens, you break
up. You and the guy start all over again with someone else
... and someone else ... and someone else ... hearts are broken
and people end up feeling used.
Relationships become a blurred memory. Unless,
of course, you are left with something to remember him by
— like a disease or a baby. You may say, “Not me,
I have only had sex with a few guys, and I really liked them.”
The question is, if you have sex with every guy you like in
high school or college, how many guys will you have had sex
with by the time you’re 25 or 30?
Guys come and go — that’s part of
being young. Who you are on the inside, your character, is
always with you. Your beliefs, hopes, dreams, values, morals
— these are the things that are important. They are what
make you who you are. When you know who you are and what your
values are, how you feel about yourself doesn’t depend
on the guy you’re with. You can look into a mirror and
feel good about yourself! But when you have sex, you do something
you don’t want to do to please someone else who probably
won’t be around long. You’re the loser and you know
it.
Now the good news — YOU CAN START OVER
— it’s never too late!
If you have already had sex, you might feel
like you blew it, so what’s the point? The point is,
you can change. Your future is from this moment forward. You
can commit to “secondary virginity.” You can start
right now and commit to save yourself until you marry. Say
“no” to sex and you will say “yes” to
...
...Self-respect and respect from friends.
...Freedom from worrying about STD’s, AIDS, and pregnancy.
...Discovery of who you are, what you believe in, and why
you are unique.
...Development of relationships based on friendship and
mutual respect.
1. Understand that only YOU control your body.
You don’t “owe” a guy anything because he took
you out. You are worth taking out because of who you are on
the inside, not what you have to offer physically.
2. Make a list of the character traits that
are important to you — honesty, loyalty, commitment,
kindness, etc. Work on developing these things — they
are what make you unique.
3. Figure out what makes you feel good ... when
you do well in a sport, when you “ace” a test, when
you perform well in a play ... things that make you proud.
Work on achieving in the areas that make you feel good about
yourself. Guy or no guy — you’ll know you’re
good!
4. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes in
life. The mature person learns from those mistakes. You can
change. You can start over. Your heart can become whole again
and you can have meaningful relationships without sex!
5. Enjoy the look on the guy’s face when
you say, “No! I believe in myself, I have plans for my
future. I have respect for myself and if you don’t I
guess we don’t have a lot to talk about ... thanks for
the great evening ... bye!” Don’t be surprised if
he calls and asks you out again — guys like girls who
respect themselves.
For further reading, check out Game
Plan: Starting a Sexually Pure Relationship
Article reprinted with permission from Heritage House 76, Inc.
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