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I am 29 years old and in three months I am going
to be a mommy. I’d like to share with you my journey
toward motherhood.
I have lived in Corvallis for eight years and
am a full-time student at OSU. I hope to one day open a gymnastics
center in town. Since the age of eight, I have been a part
of the gymnastics world. I was a gymnast for nine years, two
of which were at the national level, and I have been a coach
for almost 15 years. Staying healthy has always been a way
of life for me.
Soon after coming back to school, I left my
coaching position in Salem and started coaching preschool
and recreational gymnastics for area kids. It was fun to come
to work between my school classes and to cut lose with the
three-year-olds. Having always coached from the perspective
of treating every child as if they were my own, you can imagine
the bonds I formed with the kids. Many parents and kids I
work with have asked me why I don’t have my own kids.
I never felt the need to have my own, although I knew I wanted
them someday. I had everyone else’s for four to five
hours a day.
June was almost over when I started getting
sick. I ached from head to toe, I couldn’t get comfortable
or stay asleep for very long, and I certainly couldn’t
eat anything. I don’t get sick very often and figured
I had either food poisoning or the flu. By the third day of
being sick in the morning only to feel fine by 10 or 11 o’clock,
I took a pregnancy test. I was so nervous because I had all
the signs. I just knew I wasn’t pregnant, though. I hadn’t
planned on being pregnant, so how could I be?
I hadn’t even gotten the test to the counter
before those two little pink lines were visible. I was confused
and scared. I felt guilty. I hadn’t imagined it being
this way. Why wasn’t I happy? This should’ve been
the best day of my life and I could barely fake a smile. My
fiance had to leave for work about two hours later. His job
took him out of the state for a few weeks at a time. He told
me to think for the next few days about what I wanted to do.
He said he would support me in whatever decision I made. I
was so scared of what this meant for me, for him and for us.
I felt like my whole world was crumbling, and so soon after
feeling like I was getting it all back together.
I felt so alone that night that I didn’t
know what to do. I didn’t know who to call or talk about
it with. I couldn’t stop thinking about how broke we
were. I had no insurance. I knew I would either have to leave
school or my job to become a mother, and selfishly I didn’t
want to do either. I have always had issues with my body and
my appearance. I was afraid of how having a baby would change
my body. I had gained so much confidence going back to school
and redirecting my life. I was finally OK with who I was and
how I looked.
I was considering all options, but having no
idea how pregnant I was, what were my options? I had to make
the biggest decision of my life: Was I going to keep this
baby?
I spent the next two days on the phone trying
to get some answers. I had to figure out how I was going to
get in to see a doctor. After two days of hearing “I
am sorry, miss, we can’t help you, but let me give you
the number of someone who might,” I couldn’t believe
that no one would help me. I had a job, a home and I live
with the baby’s father. We were trying to do it right,
so I didn’t qualify for a lot of services offered. Of
course, these were the ones I needed. I was frustrated and
felt so hopeless.
A friend came over and got me out of the house.
She listened to me spill out everything I was feeling and
spent the day with me. I needed someone to just be around.
I wondered what I was going to tell my boss. She is without
a doubt the best person I have ever worked for, but I wasn’t
sure what she was going to say. On my way to meet her I ran
into a co-worker. I told her about the last few days and my
disappointing phone conversations. She asked me if I had talked
to the people at Options Pregnancy Resource Center. It didn’t
sound familiar so I asked her where it was. She told me they
were in the buildings behind Kinko’s.
I figured I would check it out, but refused
to be optimistic. Shortly after that I met with my boss. She
shared with me what she went through when she found out she
was pregnant. Her situation had been very similar to mine.
It was comforting to know that I was surrounded by people
who understood what I was going through. It was good to know
that I could eliminate one factor from my stress. I didn’t
have to worry about work. One way or the other I would have
a job.
It was around 4:45 when Peg and I pulled up
in front of the CPCC. Figuring the “I am sorry we can’t
help you, miss” wouldn’t take 15 minutes, we went
to the door. It was dark in the lobby, and no one was behind
the desk (the office had actually closed at 4:00 pm). Peg
and I stood there for about a minute until someone approached
from down the hall. The women came to the door and asked,
“May I help you?” I explained my situation. She
offered a very caring and sympathetic ear and listened intently
to what I was telling her. I remember my emotions, feeling
no pride left at all. I cried like a five-year-old and basically
begged her for help. She listened and assured me there was
help available. She had a very soft voice and a caring smile.
I felt comfortable telling her everything about myself and
how I was feeling.
She made an appointment for me with a girl named
Kay. She told me that Kay had recently had a little girl and
would understand what I was going through. She would talk
to me about their services and see what they could do to help.
I remember thinking I knew I was going to get the help I needed.
When I met with Kay I explained my whole situation
from considering abortion, to trying to accept the fact of
leaving school, to keeping the baby. Kay shared her story
of having a baby while staying in school. I began to see a
light at the end of the tunnel—hope in what seemed to
be a hopeless situation. Kay knew how it felt to be where
I was. She offered me a pregnancy test to verify I was pregnant,
although we could still only guess how far along I was. Kay
scheduled me for a free ultrasound at the Center for the following
week. She explained there were doctors who donated their time
to do the ultrasounds. I would be able to know for sure how
far along I was and Kay offered to sit down with me again
after that appointment. I felt good, I was getting somewhere,
I was getting answers.
We found out from the ultrasound that I was
eight weeks pregnant. I knew that if we were going to terminate
the pregnancy we had to act quickly. We scheduled a termination
appointment to make sure we could have one if we decided that
way. But I couldn’t stop thinking about my conversation
with Kay. I hated myself for even thinking about terminating
this pregnancy. Still, I wasn’t sure about having the
baby either.
I had always envisioned myself as being married
before I had children, with a good job and a house. I figured
that if I wasn’t ready when I got pregnant I wouldn’t
have the baby. I always thought the decision would be easy.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
It occurred to me that I really didn’t
know how Steve felt. I knew he would support my decision,
whatever it might be, but I didn’t really know what he
was thinking. I asked him simply, “Steve, do you want
this baby?” He looked at me and said, “With everything
I am.”
That was it. Decision made. How could it be
so easy? I just needed to accept it and embrace it. I couldn’t
believe I was going to be a mommy! I was so happy! We could
finally call our parents and tell them the great news.
The next day I went to the Center again. I told
the staff that we had decided to keep the baby. They were
so excited for us. I remember someone saying that she had
been praying for me, and how great it was to see me happy
as opposed to how I had been only a few days earlier. I received
a card from Kay in the mail a few days later and it made me
cry with joy. She expressed how happy she was for us and how
much we should look forward to the experience of being pregnant.
She was glad that we had decided to keep the baby and reassured
me that everything was going to be all right. A couple of
weeks later Kay gave me a box of gifts from the Center. It
was filled with presents wrapped in cute baby shower type
paper. She had picked out maternity clothes that she thought
I would like, and fit into, as well as a baby name book and
“What to expect when you’re expecting.” I was
amazed that someone would take that much time to make me feel
special.
I finished working at summer camp with ease.
It felt good to share with everyone that I was going to be
a mommy. Soon after camp ended Steve and I had our 17-week
ultrasound. The doctor informed us we would be having a little
girl. Hand in hand we watched our little one on the monitor.
Five fingers, five toes. All looked perfect. Kay and her husband
passed on to us a beautiful crib that Kay had received from
the Center. We are so grateful to have people like Kay in
our lives. We would never have been able to afford such a
nice crib. All the things I had been worried about before
seem to not matter as much now. It’s amazing how quickly
your priorities change when a child enters your life.
Our excitement and joy of sharing this experience
with our friends and family has been tremendous. A new chapter
in our lives has started. We have received many blessings
through the Center. The donations we have gotten and the friendships
we have made are more than we could have ever asked for.
OPRC has made a huge difference in my life,
and I’m thankful for the day I learned about this generous
organization.
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Names have been changed to maintain client
confidentiality.
Do you have a story you’d like to share
regarding your experience with Options Pregnancy Resource Center of Corvallis, Oregon?
Please tell us.
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